Today, we’re going to discuss overcoming the fear of being yourself. Now, this probably sounds a little counterintuitive; shouldn't it be the easiest thing of all to just be yourself in front of other people? If you’ve actually tried it, or if you’ve thought about it, it really, really isn't. It’s the scariest thing you can do because all of us have a fear of rejection.
How to overcome the fear of being yourself
What I find is that when I work with my clients, in the beginning, they all acknowledge that they need to get out there, they need to have people getting to know them, and while we're doing their brand work, we figure out what their true values are. But actually talking about those, really sharing not just content, but also who you are, your opinions, your values, your views – that's a completely different story.
But let me tell you, it is the most important piece of work that you can do, because yes, people do want to know about your content, but they also want to know about you, especially if you’re working as a coach.
Not only is it important to know who you actually are, but it's also important to know that we tend to present ourselves as a persona that we think other people want to see, and I'm the best example of this. If you take a look at my posts, at my photoshoots from when I started in 2014-2016, I’m a completely different persona. First I'm one persona when I started out as a baby sleep consultant, and then, when I started Sleep Like a Boss, I thought I had to be this power suit woman. I have straightened hair, I have my Louboutins (which I still have), but with this pencil corporate dress – and it's actually nothing that I wear on a daily basis. It's not who I really am.
Today, I wear a lot of print, I wear a lot of color. It's a lot more representative of me and who I represent and sometimes I'm just in a T-shirt, which is me too. The thing is though, it's not always easy to be yourself, because when you’re criticized, you can’t apologize in terms of, “Oh, I was just pretending; it wasn't really me.” It’s actually people criticizing or not agreeing with who you are at your core, and that takes a bit of work to deal with.
The internet, unfortunately, is a big place with some people who just love to troll. To me, having a troll meant having someone telling you how horrible and crappy you are. It means that you managed to get into the world of fame, in a way. Every popular person has a troll, or even an army of trolls sometimes, who try to bring them down. (But just to let you know, those trolls will never feel better, even after they are mean to you.)
I’ve had my fair share of trolls, and I've forgiven them. I still forgive them always and send them to a place of love, wherever they feel happier. But it isn't easy. It is never easy. But what you can do is take that fear and understand that people need you to see who you are, because there are so many people out there who are looking for you,
- the way that you are,
- for what you stand for,
- for what you’re doing,
- for the way that you're living,
- for your courage,
- your message,
- your love,
- your priorities,
- and your values
They will connect with you and those will be amazing client relationships, sometimes even friendships. So, it’s totally worth it.
I always suggest working with someone who can help you to actually figure out what you’re most scared of in terms of rejection. Those are your blind spots. Once you know what you're most scared of, you can address these things, you can work on them, and once you've managed to really be at peace with yourself (as much as possible; it's a constant work in progress), you can actually go out there and be who you are, in all your imperfect perfection.
I hope How to overcome the fear of being yourself has helped and has been something that hit home. If you want to talk about it, or if you know someone who needs to hear this, please share this with them. Also, remember to check out some of our other blog posts and masterclasses.
I'll be talking to you very, very soon.